Everybody knows...

I have a sort of mini crush on John Legend at the moment. I listen to songs, my friends are amazed at my ability to rattle off lyrics to as many songs as they can call up. The reason is that no matter how good the music is, the lyrics make me listen for the second time, third time...yeah I'm one of those that can keep a song on repeat indefinitely..lol! 


Anyway I listened to this song and it struck a lot of chords within me. This is a great..let's make up song although that wasn't what drew me to it. It made me think about love and relationships and how we always say 'no one is perfect' and when people show us that they are not perfect...we punish them. No one is perfect so there's nothing like perfect love just 2 imperfect people who promise to do their best. 


Every relationship is as unique as the 2 people that make it up...what 'everybody knows' may not work for you, yes there are basic principles and guidelines to enable relationships work but sometimes what it really takes it to make a promise that you will always give 'one more try'. I still stand by the fact that usually we give up to soon...yes Hadassah included. This definitely doesn't cover all situations, I know for sure that sometimes goodbye is the healthiest option. When one walks away, you really need to feel that this time around 'one more try' wasn't just for both of you. Enough of my rambling..enjoy the song!

It gets harder every day, but I can’t seem to shake the pain

I’m trying to find the words to say, please stay

It’s written all over my face, I can’t

Function the same when you’re not here

I’m calling your name but no one’s there

And I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,

I still can’t believe you found somebody new

But I wish you the best, I guess.

‘Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows

How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt

We’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows

Just how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try

One more try

One more try

'Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

I don’t care what the people say

They brought it all in anyway

Baby don’t fill up your head with he-said, she-said

It seems like you just don’t know

The radio’s on, you're tuning me out,

I’m trying to speak, you’re turning me down

And I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,

I still can’t believe you found somebody new

But I wish you the best, I guess.

‘Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows

How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt

We’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows

Just how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try

One more try

One more try

One more try

‘Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

Oh I wish you’d understand

I'm just an ordinary man

Wish that we had known

Everybody knows, but nobody really knows

And I know one day you’ll see, nobody has it easy

I still can’t believe you found somebody new

I wish you the best, I guess.

‘Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows

How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt

We’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows

Just how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try

One more try

One more try

One more try

‘Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows 

Still here..

I just feel like giving everyone a big hug! Lol! How is everyone doing? I trust well. I just need to say a big thank you to regular readers like Blessing's Outlet, Myne Whitman, New Life, Koinonia and anons who take time to read my blog and offer encouraging support. I pray that you never cease to find strength when you need it and where you need it at all times in Jesus name.

I realised that a friend of mine found this blog out and it was one of the reasons why I actually didn't want to blog on it anymore. Anyway I guess it doesn't matter, a lesson I have learnt about life is that what is hidden will eventually be revealed and no use worrying about what you can't change. I was talking to my aunty and she encouraged me to continue because one day I would look back on this blog and just shake my head in wonder at how I had grown or even have something to learn from it. 

I love writing and there is still that much to write and talk about isn't there so I guess Hadassah isn't going anywhere. It is refreshing to just share my thoughts on different things and get feedback from the world as well. So yes I'm here and I'm repenting from sporadic blogging...this place needs a clean up!

Till later,

XoXo

Hello or goodbye?

Hello people

Thank you so much for your encouraging comments, prayers and advice. I signed into the blog to post something once or twice but I really didn't know what to say anymore. This blog was really focused on a particular topic and now I really don't know what to say here anymore. I did consider just deleting it and erasing any iota of its existence but I thought that would be so rude. Although I haven't discussed with anyone off this blog, just the thought that you actually take time to read my ramblings makes me consider you a friend.

So its hello because I have been away for a while. It may be goodbye or goodbye for now as I consider what the next step is. Even if I continue blogging, it will be somewhere else so we may just be parting to meet. So many things happened over the last few months but suffice to say that IT IS OVER.

How am I? Today, good, really good. There are different phases that I have been through, the sad days, the angry days (angry at him, me, even God sometimes....ask me what God did?), up days, down days. After a while I realised that I was laughing more than I was quiet. I caught myself laughing at a joke someone made and I stopped in the middle as if 'what's so funny, why are you laughing?' and I answered myself (no, I'm not going crazy yet) I'm laughing because I can, because I'm still here and because that joke is so funny! Life is about moments, some more precious than others, always unique, rarely repeated. There will only be one today 7/10/2010 and as my friend says 'a day without laughter is a day wasted'.

I regret some things but this relationship although not successful made me learn some things about Esther...that commitment is a big word, its not for children. There were some things that I could not accept. What if I found out after we were married is a question I get asked sometimes? Honestly, I don't know, I'm sorry I don't. I used to think nothing would ever make me leave but its really difficult to hold on to someone who is not holding on to you. I told him when we finally did speak (after about 4 and a half months) that he made it very easy to walk away. I don't hate him, there's a way I will always be concerned about him but that is where the story ends.

I still find it strange when people come to me for relationship advice...even with all my warnings that I have been unsuccessful...lol! I tell them about my mistakes, about our good times. Never underestimate the power of communication. Its not about having conversations or spending hours on the phone. People who work in call centres spend hours on the phone, they're selling not bonding. Its about being able to be vulnerable and share those things you don't want anyone else to know about you. To be able to tell someone they hurt you or you love them and your thoughts about everything. It doesn't happen on day 1 but it is a commitment you must be willing to make. There is also a difference between a nice person and a responsible one. No one is perfect, give room for mistakes. My friend told me 'you don't know how much you love until love is required via forgiveness.' Hmm..

Maybe I'll continue this journey, maybe not. I must admit that there is a way life as a single person is interesting. Thanks for being part of the journey so far and I pray that your respective journeys are beautiful and you walk the path designed for you always. There are changing scenes and seasons but God always remains true.

Hugs and Kisses

Esther Hadassah

Breaking up...

Breaking up

.....is not an event but a process.

It's about days where you wake up realising you never slept and wondering how to face yet another day. 
It's about ignoring calls from friends because no you don't really want to talk about it
It's also about being ignored by mutual friends who don't know what to say or whether to take sides
It's about crying randomly, as you drive, on the train, when someone mentions Ben and Jerry's or Coco Chanel
It's about lying when people ask how far you are going with wedding plans
It's about losing your confidence and questioning yourself if you really have what it takes
It's about feelings of rejection hmm
It's about wondering how to relate with 'ex' prospective in-laws especially when you like them 


Breaking up


..... is not an event but a process


It's about picking yourself out of bed each day giving praise you are alive
It's about learning the difference between failing and being a failure
It's about knowing that there is at least one friend who always understands
It's about growth 
It's about telling yourself you will love again, maybe not now but you will
It's about letting a Supreme love come and mend the broken pieces
It's about facing the world again and embracing your purpose

I don't know how people do this without God. He is a rock and refuge to those who put their trust in Him. So if you've been there before don't worry there is light at the end of what usually seems like a very dark tunnel. It is well with you.



Thanks NewLife and everyone for everything. I am well, hopefully in coming days it will be 'bright and sunny here'..lol! 


God bless


Xoxo..

Talking about it..

Esther,I just went through this in my marriage,....... We worked through it sweetie and yes it was hard, what are you going to do Esther?, could this same situation happen if you were married, what would you do Esther, bail? I feel your pain, I really do and I promise I do not judge you. I totally agree that he has to step it up and fight for the relationship, examine how you told him you wanted a break, did he not object because he didn't care, he was frustrated himself, out of fear, or he felt betrayed that you would want to leave after everything you guys had. You have to talk, talk, talk. Even if you call it quits, you want to know that you know, that this relationship was not for you. I'm still very hopeful for your relationship for some reason. Keep praying darling, hand it all to God and listen when He speaks, letting go of your fears or pride if any. I'm really hopeful! xoxox

This was a comment I received on my last post. Thanks so much NewLife, I really appreciate the question, advice and prayer. It gave me a lot of food for thought because I had thought along similar lines myself but wouldn't really say I came to a 'conclusion' so to speak. I've been asked, is it possible for us to get back together, academically, I would still say yes we can, if we are both willing to do what is required to make it work. However, there is a little girl inside who just wants to cut her losses (and they are great) and move on. That is me being honest.

Hmm, if we were married, would I bail? I would like to think not, I would like to believe I would honour the vows that I had made and stick with the marriage. I do ask myself what I would have done different if we were married but then the truth still remains that we are not married so it is a bit difficult for me. All in all, even though I do not think going on breaks is a good thing, sometimes people need time to cool off, to assess what's really important, to realise the role that the person plays in their lives. When I suggested the break, a part of me thought that he would fight it, but in a sense we were already on break as we weren't speaking at that time. Phone calls went unanswered and unreturned and I thought that the relationship was just one more pressure in an already stressful situation so maybe taking that off the table would enable him sort out other stuff, he'd used the phrase 'pushing him' so I just felt it was better to leave things alone.

I did try to 'talk, talk,talk' but the timing was never right and honestly to me there's just so much I felt I could do at the time. His response was that he could not speak or contact me for the next 3 months when he would have more time from school. I lost a family member during this time, I sent him a text and I got a text back. Not a phone call and not a visit. I get upset and angry with people but never would I even think of reacting to a situation like that.  I spoke to a family member of his, he got upset with the person. I don't usually recommend family but I didn't really feel like speaking to his friends and I actually realised how few we had in common! I could wait for the 3 months but I knew that a part of me would always resent the fact that yet again we were working with his own life time table.

I was angry with him at a time but honestly now I'm not. Sometimes, people are not just in a place where they can commit to being in a relationship and I can accept that. There is a bit of fear as well, because honestly I tried to look into the future and wonder if we could face challenges as a couple and I just couldn't see it. Maybe we gave up too soon. Sometimes, I felt like an 'enabler' which is different from supporting. Growth involves living with the consequences of our actions. A plant left unattended will wilt and die, I kind if feel our relationship was like that. I just got tired of me wanting to speak, him wanting to keep quiet. We should try and find a way to meet in the middle. A big part of me wanted to see some effort on his part, I didn't see it. I told God, I was going to pray and leave things be, just let go of everything. Since God speaks, if he really is the one I believe God will show me and tell me and I pray He will give me the strength to overcome all obstacles and be mature in the way I handle things. Life is uncertain, what we are certain of is that we will face storms, we can't keep going back and forth as we have been doing. I'm trying to write a balanced account but I feel like I'm heaping all the blame on him which I don't want to do.

So darling, thanks for the encouraging words. I'll keep posting and if anything changes, the blog will be the first to know!

Xoxo

From the Foundations

When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?

Proverbs 11:2

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

I think that quote is so powerful, wow! I think I'm going to print it and frame it. A big part of failing forward is assessing the reasons for the failure in the first instance. Letting go of the past does not mean to entirely forget what happened, for if I do not know my mistakes how can I ensure I do not repeat it? It is hard sometimes because to separate the reflection from the emotions that come with it but I guess I try and find a balance so that it's not about over analysing and getting stuck in the past.

I think I've said before that one of the biggest mistakes any couple can make is thinking 'This could never happen to me'. It's not about waiting for a storm to hit, but anticipating that a storm may come and building accordingly. It is very difficult to build in the presence of a storm so we should take precautions before hand. A lack of communication was a big barrier in the 'last days'. Communication is more than having a conversation but being able to say what you mean and what you really mean. The truth even when said in love may hurt but it is our responsibility to speak the truth always.

The last few months of last year going into this one had really been quite busy with respect to our individual academic/career goals and this allowed some cracks begin to show. We had stopped the counselling classes (funny enough we were about to go into the communication bit) as Mr O's schedule couldn't accommodate it. Honestly, this was not a problem for me as we had attended some and we could use the opportunity to start practicing what we had learnt so far? I think we were just existing, doing our own things. At the beginning of this year, I told him that even though we were busy we needed to try and make the time. Its not about meeting up every day but about making most of the time when you do meet up.

I have this saying that 'I don't mind fighting, as long as we fight fair and stick to the rules.' I won't say I have never raised my voice in an argument, or him either but an unwritten agreement is for both parties never to raise their voices at the same time and strange enough this has only happened once. To disagree in of itself is not a bad thing because it shows we are human and we are different but when we do disagree, our actions tell a lot about the person within. I didn't like the man I saw, neither did I like some things in the woman I saw either. I have learnt that patience is indeed a virtue and I must rely on God for an eternal supply to enable me to cope with the reality of what relationships require. Change is a gradual process. I felt that the relationship was more a priority for me than it was for him and suggested we take a break. Maybe that was a mistake but he didn't disagree. I just got tired of coming up with suggestions on how to make it work, going for counselling e.t.c and just decided to leave it be. Time couldn't be made to even ask and seek for help. In one of my last communications to him, I told him that the effort you make in saving something that is dying shows how much its worth is to you. In the end, I felt it wasn't worth very much, definitely not worth making the sacrifices required.

Relationships take commitment, maybe I wasn't as committed as I should have been. True, but I choose not to dwell on the past. Hopefully, I'm a little bit more mature now. I made a decision never to keep quiet because I think my words may hurt but to pray first and then speak, whether the words want to be heard or not because its better to get feelings out in the open than leave things to fester. A lack of communication is that thread that gets unravelled and begins to unravel everything else. Writing this post was hard..I want to write about happy things. I think I'll just continue answering the twenty questions from the next post.

Till later

XoXo

Failing forward

Don't interfere with good people's lives;don't try to get the best of them.

No matter how many times you trip them up,God-loyal people don't stay down long; soon they're up on their feet,while the wicked end up flat on their faces.

Proverbs 24:15-16

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

Unknown

Beautiful people in Blogville, I am overwhelmed by the love and care you have shown. I keep coming back to read the comments and they make me smile. I don't know what to say except Thank you. Thank you for the encouragement and thanks for the prayers. To think that I almost deleted this blog, well the story continues.

Hmm, failing forward. Over the past few months, I have experienced a wave of emotions. Breaking up is very similar to mourning, there is denial, there is anger, there is guilt, there is depression and sadness, mixed with a lot of tears before coming to a place of acceptance. I really don't know what I would do without having Jesus in my life. My God who is my refuge in the storm, it is true what the word says about Him giving us a peace that passes all understanding. Some days I feel as if I'm watching a movie and what has happened was to someone else and not me.

I would say the most overwhelming feeling I had was one of failure. Yes, I've read books about failing, how everyone fails at something, how failing does not make one a failure and how Thomas Edison didn't give up on the light bulb after x amount of attempts! I guess there's a difference between knowing a fact academically and living it out as truth. But I did feel like a failure, a very big one at that! Here I was writing a blog about preparing myself spiritually, emotionally and mentally for marriage and then we break up!.....I just wanted to stay in bed and never get out and show my face again. Failure has always been one of my greatest fears. I hate to fail, I'm not one of those super competitive types that is determined to win at all costs but I'll admit I'm one of those annoying ones in class who cries when she gets a B grade!

At a point, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, I've always been a private person and I was just going through the process alone instead of reaching out to friends to pray with me and encourage me. I've learnt so much during this period, God opened my eyes to people He had brought along my path and just their presence alone sometimes just gave me that added strength to make it through the day.

I thank God for God. I may have failed at this, I admit I did make some mistakes but I am so encouraged by that Bible verse. It was like God was saying to me 'Why do you focus on when you fell and how many times you fell and how you fell and not on the fact that you are able to stand up, dust your shoulders and keep stepping? You might be injured when you fall, but remember that I am a Balm in Gilead! Focus on standing up after you fall, fail forward.'  I realised then that I'm only a failure if I allow the event to stop me from living my very best life and also if I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

 

So I chose to fail forward, to take time to God-analyse (not self-analyse anymore) the events and circumstances leading up to the break up and asking God for wisdom and guidance as to what to do next. I chose to fail forward and spend time in communion with God, to talk to Him about things and allow Him do His will in my life. I chose to fail forward to realise that my whole life did not consist of being in this relationship and while it did bring pain, it also brought joy. Also, there were so many other things that God had in store for me so I had to get out of bed, ask God for His joy to be my strength and get to stepping! I chose to fail forward and ask God for the grace to help me deal with the anger, to help me deal with the guilt, not to allow bitterness set in so my heart would be free to love the way He wants me to love.

 

The choice to fail forward is one I'm making daily now. I'm asking God for directions every step of the way as I fulfill His divine purpose for my life. His Word says that He is able to work all things together for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose, that His plans for me are good to give me a future and a hope. I've always said I believed His word and now is the time to live like I do. My encouragement is that where ever you feel you have experienced failure or disappointment, just give it to Jesus. The enemy only wins when you stop, not when you fall. Stand up, dust your shoulders and get to stepping. He can give you grace to do what you thought was impossible. Fail forward!

 

XoXo

 

Esther Hadassah

Changes..

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

Anais Nin 

First things first, I must begin by apologising to the readers of this blog for disappearing for so long. The past few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster and although I did come here from time to time. I was just unable to write anything.

When I came across the quote above, it just aptly summarised what happened to me and to us. I promised myself I would always be honest on this blog and I must admit that at a point I just wanted to delete it and start a new story, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on. However, I realise that life is a story that is made of different chapters and that even when the plot takes an unexpected twist, it doesn't mean the end of the story. My best friend always tells me that the story is never over until The Story teller writes 'The End' and I'm inclined to agree and therefore the story continues.

At this point, I and Mr O have decided not to continue with our relationship. I have prayed and I have cried but I have decided to let things be and stop fighting because even though it doesn't make a lot of sense, I believe that it is the way it should go. I think I will try and talk about what happened as I go along. I once heard a message on preventing marital failure and the first point the pastor gave on the biggest mistakes a couple can make is 'thinking it could never happen to us'. That's dangerous. He also said it's about expecting the best for your relationship while preparing for the worst. Another very important point is that although there is no way you can meet someone who thinks exactly like you because we are all unique, it is very important both partners use similar scripts or read from the same page because it helps in decision making and in conflict resolution.

I don't think there is any relationship that cannot be saved but it requires both parties being willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make it happen. Both of us have lessons to learn but I believe there are some things that are best left to God to handle in one's life, we must accept people as they are with their strengths and weaknesses but we must also be honest. I know I overlooked some things I should have probed further and earlier as much in him as in myself. I've been asking myself some deep questions over the past few weeks, I don't claim to always have answers or always be right but I've just decided to trust God and allow Him to lead and guide me.

So I'm not really sure what direction this blog is going to take now. As a dear big sister told me, 'No matter what happens, whether you get back together or not, you have grown, you have learnt, you have loved, you are a better person for it, so don't feel like the time spent was a waste because it isn't.' I don't always agree with her but well as the Spirit leads I guess. I'm fiddling with the template for now but I'm back.

I wrote this a while ago, just expressing my thoughts going through the process. Hopefully, my next post will be a bit upbeat.

Not a day goes by

Not a day goes by

that I do not think of you

Sometimes it's a flash of recognition

A symbol, a scent, a song

Other times a full length movie with

Changing places, changing faces

Not a day goes by

that I do not think of you

Sometimes I smile

Held in your embrace, walking hand in hand

Other times, most times

With tears

Arguments back and forth, cold silences

Not a day goes by

that I do not think of you

Although I lie when friends ask

Laughing as I say time heals all wounds

And that I'm moving on

When what I do everyday

is think of you

Not a day goes by

That I do not think of you

Going back in time

To plans, hopes and dreams shared

Looking ahead to a path I must take

That does not have you in it

Where we has become you and me

Not a day goes by

when I do not think of you

But now I must learn to occupy my thoughts

With truth, purity and good reports

As I focus my thoughts back on Him

Who enables me put all other thoughts in perspective

(c) Ester Hadassah

Till later,

Xoxo

Whatever it takes

Hi people,

So sorry I have really been neglecting this blog but so much has been happening and I need to take some time to sort myself out! Trust you're doing good. This song ministers to me on those days when I feel like throwing in the towel! Sometimes it takes a lot, sometimes a little but we need to make the decision to do whatever it takes to forge ahead. Enjoy



Whatever it takes..Leona Lewis

People say love
Comes and goes, but
They don't understand
What they don't know
Cause, what I feel starts
Deep inside
It's planted like a seed
That springs into life

They say it's not right
And we move too fast
But they don't know the meaning
Of what we have

Wherever it is, I'll fly
Whatever it takes, I'll try
So don't pay no mind
To what other people say
Whenever it is in my life
Know that I will be on time
'Cause you know why
There's no standing in our way

When you're far and
We're apart
I'm really missing you
I wanna be where you are

They say it's not right (it's not right)
And it won't last (it won't last)
No point believing
What we have

Wherever it is, I'll fly
Whatever it takes, I'll try
So don't pay no mind
To what other people say
Whenever it is in my life
I'll be on time
'Cause you know why
There's no standing in my way

And if you're lost
I'm gonna find you
'Cause without you
I'll break down and cry
And you know why
I wanna surround you
With all my love

Wherever it is, I'll fly
Whatever it takes, I'll try
So don't pay no mind
To what other people say
Whenever it is in my life
Know that I will be on time
'Cause you know why
There's no standing in my way

Love is you..

What's your definition of it? How's it make you feel?
Tell me what'd you say that truly makes it real
Kings and queens, philosophers have tried so hard to find
Tell me what it means to you, dear, never mind

Love is kind when the world is cold
Love stays strong when the fight gets old
Love is a shoulder to lean on, love is you

Love's like the water when the well runs dry
Quench my thirst, keep me alive
Just need one sip, baby, love is you
Love is you, love is you, love is you, love is you

Is it possible there's a kiss that's so divine?
Or am I just too fool? Is it all in my mind?
Is there something chemical? A scientist might say
Well, love must be drug to make me feel this way

'Cause love is my permission to be who I am
Knowing the business 'cause you understand
Freedom to breathe, oh baby, love is you

Love's like a kiss when the sun goes down
Holds me tight when no one's around
Love's what I wanna hold on to, love is you
Love is you, love is you, love is you, love is you
Love is you, love is you, love is you, love is you

Love is kind, it makes me stronger
I don't have to look no longer
You're the one I'd cling to, love is you

When the chips are down
Love will stick around
I'm so glad I found, love is you

Masters have tried to clarify
Love's quite simple, it's just my guide
A perfect definition
Love is you, love is you, love is you, love is you, is you

Love is you by Chrisette Michele

Love is a verb..

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love 1st Corinthians 13

Love, in all its forms is a beautiful thing. The love God has for us demonstrated in the sacrificial giving of His Son, the love of a husband for his wife as he pretends his eyes are just misty as she walks down the aisle on her dad's arm, the love of a mother for her newborn as she coos and sings and rocks him gently to sleep. The love of a friend who sits in the waiting room praying that when the doctor walks in it will be good news. Love, in all its forms is a beautiful thing but like all beautiful things, maintenance requires hard work.

Like a beautiful flower that is appreciated by all, it is easy to forget that it all begun with the death of a seed, being buried unnoticed in the dirt, the sun shining, the rain falling before the manifestation of what is beautiful. Sometimes relationships are like that, going through the daily grind of keeping it working can be tasking but we must keep at it. I read 1st Corinthians 13 and I'm like am I really like that, honestly, no but I'm committing to working at it.

Green grass requires work to keep it shining, no use looking at the other side wishing that was what you had. I'm learning about embracing seasons, sometimes love doesn't come as natural to me, sometimes I don't 'feel' the love, at those times I think it's even more important to remember that love is a verb, something one does much more than something one feels. So if you are at a point where you don't feel anything, just do something, say something, cook something, write something, pray something, take the little steps to get to where you want to be.

One step at a time, one day at a time and very soon you'll be the green grass that everyone wants. That's my goal now and with God's help I'm working towards it.

Dear God,

Thank you for Mr O, no man has the ability to make me smile as much (or frown as much), no man has made me laugh as much (well, or cry as much) but I thank you because overall he is the man you made me for, the man you keep working in me for, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Help him be the man you created him to be. Teach us how to love each other and keep our relationship strong in Jesus name.

I pray the same for others who walk this path!

Till later,
XoXo

Irrelevant strangers

I am sitting across you unable to keep eye contact. I feel your eyes on me, looking at me, willing them to stare back into yours so you can see what your words are doing. My ears are listening to what your mouth is saying but it is becoming confusing as for each sentence and phrase my mind creates another and I am obliged to listen to you both.

This isn't working, you say, you need some space to find yourself but my head is also asking if it isn't working because of her, if you are finding yourself with her. Somewhere along the conversation I realise I have lost you, it must have been somewhere between the 'Its not you, its me' and 'I hope this does not affect our friendship and our business'. I want to laugh at this point but fear how it would look. I feel you waiting for me to burst into tears and honestly I'm waiting for it too. It's funny as I watch us both destroy so quickly what we've built in the last decade. I see beyond your shoulder to Daddy's 'I told you so' and Mummy's shocked look as she realises I might not need the dress after all.

When did we become irrelevant strangers, you and I? When did we stop caring? When did we stop listening and touching and noticing? When did we stop speaking? When did summer's heat become winter's freeze? When..

But you cut through the conversation between myself and I and I hear you tell me how it will all be ok because I am so strong, one of the things you loved most about me you say as you get the bill and I realise we are using past tense already. The evening is over and so are we. I open my mouth to speak but can't will my lips to separate. Pride prevents the tears from falling, at least on the outside! At the tube station, I convert the embrace to a perfunctory handshake as you head west and I east, signalling our future, travelling in opposite directions.

I laugh then because I feel I can but then it comes; that pain that goes from my chest to my belly in the fraction of a second. It is then the tears start to fall. The tears speak, telling me I am human and externalising my pain, what they fail to tell me is that they will never stop, at least not for months to come.

Xoxo

What do we believe?

Hi people

How you doing? Hope you're living, loving and learning! I'm just imagining the amount of information out there on blogville, esp about relationships, it's all good. My biggest prayer is that I live out what I believe, in Jesus name. Amen. A new day, a new question. I decided to send my answer to my last question on things Mr O does that annoy/like and he was pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure I want him to read my blog though he may well find it now but I think I'll do a better job of communicating TO him what I communicate ABOUT him and us.

Where do you stand on faith?

I like the fact that he used faith, faith implies you believe something. It's not just about ticking an option under the heading religion. It asks the question 'What do you believe?' I believe many things but I think the most important thing I believe is in God, the Almighty God, that He created me and He has a purpose for my life. I believe in Jesus Christ, God who became man and dwelt amongst us, died for me, rose again and went to be with the Father whilst always keeping an eye out for me. I believe in the Holy Spirit, that He is a Counsellor, a Helper, I believe I should grow in His fruit and also His gifts. I believe in prayer, in speaking the word, in fasting, in worship, in praise.

My faith is in God because all else may fail but never Him. When it comes to faith, I believe both partners should be on the same page, not so much in intensity/fervour for we chase and run at different paces but the passion should be there. I believe in tolerance but I know I couldn't marry someone of a different faith. I just think it's one of those areas you should be on the same page on. Feel free to disagree with me, I believe there are enough things to discuss about without debating on whether God exists or if good works equates with salvation. A lot of decisions I make are based on my faith, my value systems are based on mostly on a Biblical perspective. I'm not perfect but by God's grace I try my best.

I'd always thought I would marry a 'very spiritual' man, funny thing is that I never actually defined what spiritual meant! Lol! I think I always got the impression from what I heard that as the role of the husband is to be the priest of his home, he had to be like super duper deep and super duper deeper in the things of God than I was. I think I've stepped away from that thinking because I try to look at people in general as all in equal need of the grace of God and spirituality is more of an inner behaviour than outward. I'd rather a man that only prayed the Lord's prayer morning and night than someone who was revered in the church and beat me at home! Also, from what I see, women tend to have this passion for Christ that I don't come across as often in men but then maybe I am somewhat biased!

I and Mr O don't pray as often as I would like, we don't attend the same church but we do go to church together once in a while and I know he loves God. We don't agree on some things but we are growing and learning. I believe faith and church are different things, I find it amusing when people automatically assume I will start attending his church when we get married. I'm not saying I won't but I know I will prefer not to, I enjoyed Pastor's counselling sessions but I've attended the church and just didn't relax in the atmosphere, to a certain degree we carry our own atmosphere with us but I just would rather we worshipped somewhere else. We are still praying about it and have not made a final decision but for now we are looking at attending a different church from where either of us worship at present. I think it's important to go to church together, it's good for the couple, we both hear what Pastor said, it's also a great environment for children to grow up in.

However my prayer is that we both as individuals continue to thirst and pant after God, so that we can encourage each other as a couple. I pray for him to be a man after God's heart and that he will teach the next generation about the things of God.
I believe faith is the centre of all things especially for me because I don't think I can succeed in this relationship without Him.

So get talking because the words that proceed from the mouth signify what the heart believes. We can talk 'churchese' for a while but after a period of time the real deal begins to come forth. I guess as long as we are on the same main page we can keep talking, praying and compromising on the letters where we have different views as long as we remember that God and the Bible have the last word!

Till later...

XoXo

We will dance

This song came up on my Ipod this evening and it really spoke to me, sometimes love can be like a dance, sometimes in rhythm, sometimes out but we make a committment to always keep dancing. Hope this song blesses you!


I've watched the sunrise in your eyes
And I've seen the tears fall like the rain
You've seen me fight so brave and strong
You've held my hand when I'm afraid
We've watched the seasons come and go
We'll see them come and go again
But in winter's chill, or summer's breeze
One thing will not be changin'

We will dance
When the sun is shining
In the pouring rain
We'll spin and we'll sway
And we will dance
When the gentle breeze
Becomes a hurricane
The music will play
And I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we will dance

Sometimes it's hard to hold you tight
Sometimes we feel so far apart
Sometimes we dance as one
And feel the beating of each others heartsS
ome days the dance is slow and sweet
Some days we're bouncing off the walls
No matter how this world may turn
Our love will keep us from fallin'

And we will dance
When the sun is shining
In the pouring rain
We'll spin and we'll sway
And we will dance
When the gentle breeze
Becomes a hurricane
The music will play
And I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we will dance
The music will play


And I'll hold you close
And I won't let you go
Even when our steps
Grow weak and slow
Still I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we, will dance


Steven Curtis Chapman (All about love)

I like you but not always what you do

Hi everyone

Happy New Year, welcome to 2010! I pray this will be a year of better things in the mighty name of Jesus. Wow, that was a long break! Never really thought that I would be gone for so long. So I'll continue with the twenty questions.

What annoys you the most about me? What do you enjoy the most about being with me?

Over the past few months, I'm slowly beginning to live out the knowledge about relationships I have been gathering over the years. Every book I have read, every conversation I have had always alludes to the same point, that no one is perfect, not me and not Mr O. I say it all the time but struggle to deal with the reality of what that means sometimes. I have really been working on deepening my relationship with the Lord, He is perfect because God always understands! Marriage is made up of an imperfect man and an imperfect woman who are committed to loving perfectly and bound by God's perfect love which makes them a three fold cord that is not easily broken.

One of the things I have learnt about my wonderful Mr O is that he is hesitant to talk about things he doesn't like about me, maybe I'm really that scary..lol! Over time, I'm beginning to learn more about non-verbal communication, that someone doesn't say something doesn't mean they haven't said anything. Hmm, Esther, what do you mean? Remember when you were out and playing the fool, Mama never had to say nothing, just a slight incline to the eye brow meant something, she could even be smiling but you knew that if the eyebrows went above a certain threshold, your behind was gonna be a bit sore before you went to bed!

If he likes something, he says it, so when he keeps quiet I can pretty much guess he doesn't like it. On one hand, I believe that strong relationships, no matter what type should be able to handle the TRUTH. There should be the freedom to say things your partner doesn't necessarily want to hear without any fear of repercussions for such expression. I'm learning to be careful about how I respond to criticism because I don't want him to feel that he can't say something because I'm going to blow off. I might get upset but maturity involves dealing with criticism by seeing it for what it is, learning from it or putting it aside and most importantly moving on.

The things I love about Mr O, I'm sure I must have mentioned in a previous post but well you can never say good things too much and I can always come back here to read it on those days when I get.....oh well!

Mr O is patient with me, he lets me hog the remote (as long as Prison Break is not on, lol!), He's not the type that sits in the living room while the Mrs slaves away in the kitchen and does all the household chores as well. One day I sent a message to Mr O's mum thanking her for the work she did in raising such a well mannered man because I know I am reaping a lot of benefits of her hard work. I enjoy being with him because when he is around I relax, I tend to worry a lot and just hearing him say It's ok or just something makes me put my mind at rest. Especially when I'm travelling, I tend to panic a bit, always checking to see I've got my ticket, passport and Mastercard! Lol! He always tries to make sure we go to the airport together and he stays until I go past security. Hmm, all this just makes me feel like giving him a big hug.

Mr O can make me laugh, we gossip a lot and there's this funny way his eyes go when we see some wierd stuff happening around us and we can't really make any comments about it there and then. I love the way he relates with my family, if you come to my home you'll think he's my mum's son which he is but you can't really tell who is the child or prospective in-law, this has always been important to me because marriage is about becoming one with your partner but realising as an independent unit you are also part of a bigger picture!

I love the way he encourages me when I am down, the way he remembers me in little things and tolerates my obsession with the colour brown. I enjoy being with him because he brings things to the table I have no idea about, I call him Mr Posh because he knows all these facts and all such things, how to sit, all etiquette do's and don'ts! Sometimes I just look at him and say wow!! I love the fact that he gives me the space to be who I am, to be an individual, yes we are a couple but sometimes we just need space to connect with God or with ourselves. Mr O is a generous person, he gives and not just to me. He's one of those people who find it hard to say no to people which I'm not entirely sure is a good thing because sometimes I think people do take advantage of the fact.

So well, what do I find annoying? Strange enough, like most women say. It's the little things, the little foxes that spoil the vine. It's those messages that don't get responded to, the feeling of being 'kept outside' of his life when he's facing challenges and bigger issues like budgeting or lack thereof, not taking the time to understand what I'm saying when it's something he doesn't really want to hear. In recent times I have made a decision to discuss and resolve issues as they arise. I was chatting with a friend recently and she said she attributes the success of her marriage to the ability of both her and her husband to say what needs to be said in love even when the other person is not going to be happy to hear it. That's a guideline I'll be willing to follow not only with Mr O but with my friends as well. A friend loves at all times the Bible says and sometimes that love involves telling the painful truth! Ok and if I'm honest a compliment on how I look when we're going out would be nice.

I'm sure there might be little annoying things I'll discover when we actually live together, maybe his low clutter threshold may make me roll my eyes every once in a while but better OCD than slob. I can't stand it when people just throw clothes all over the floor en route to the shower! However I trust that what holds us both together will always be more than whatever would try to separate us. I guess on average there are more things to enjoy than annoy. I love my boo.

I thought I would actually have more annoying things to write but I guess we've really got to a place of acceptance, we still have misunderstandings but not as often and rarely over the same issue twice. I believe we are growing and I pray this New year will be our very best year yet. I pray the same for you as well.

Till later, keep on living, loving and laughing..

Xoxo

Reasons why I am still single

Hi everyone

In an older post, I said that I would write a post with the above title. I actually thought of writing this as a letter a long time ago and sending it in the mail to anyone who asked me "What is happening?", "When are we coming?", "Are you still not married"..hmm, I intended to a bit sarcastic but have decided to do an honest evaluation and share my views. Mr O dislikes it when I say I'm single, he says the right term is 'in a relationship', I guess he is right but by saying single I mean unmarried which is the definition I'm using in this post.

So in no particular order here goes;

• Wasting time being good enough as a 'friend' but not wife material

Well, I can write an epistle on this. Yes, yes, I know we are encouraged to marry our best friend and it is true. Marriage is held together not so much by eros (passionate love) as it is by phileo (brotherly love) and agape (unconditional love). I had a very close male friend (DL) who I met when I was about 18, he is actually the only male friend I have had and known longer than Mr O. We were best friends, we would talk, he said I was his soul mate and vice versa. I was young when we met but I think there was a part of me that really felt he was the one for me. Even till date, he is one of the few people that I can say know me very well. For me, he was the one, anyone who stepped up to me couldn't match up to him so there was no point starting anything, we were soul mates weren't we? Imagine my elation when he told me that he had a crush on someone and he knew I would be very surprised, of course I was when it turned out to be a mutual friend! Lol! Strange enough, even after that I still thought he was the one for me, until he got engaged to someone else. I see some of my friends make this mistake, women we love but if a man has not expressly made his intentions clear, I believe we are still very 'available'. A friend of mine had this friend, she was everything and more. I asked her if she was sure there wasn't more to their friendship from her side and she even got annoyed but I didn't want her going to a place I had lived before because to me the guy was not interested in her like that. Anyway to cut a long story short, he introduced her to his fiancee and she had a major breakdown including hospitalisation. I might be wrong but I don't believe men marry the most available woman, the one who is always ready to do this and that, always there, they just marry who they want to marry! By this I'm not saying don't be a good female friends to the men in your life but examine your motives. If they're friends, let them be friends, don't dream, don't do the FLAMES game with their name. If they become more than friends, even better because you have the advantage of knowing them without best foot forward. This is a personal opinion but I always wonder when I see girls who have so many male friends and are single, meet my good friend Goke, my very good friend Uche, my ex Musa but if all these men are here why don't they see us as wife material? Yes, I know, we didn't see him that way and they don't see us that way but why is this?

• Wasted opportunities while waiting for Mr Perfect

For me, Mr Right was Mr Perfect, he had to be this, this, this. Not so much tall, dark and handsome as focused, purpose driven, some cash wouldn't be too bad. None of the characteristics I have written down are bad and are essential and desirable qualities in a mate but I think the issue I had was not separating the essential from the desirable. Like any vacancy, the advert asks for some essential skills in the person profile, this means if you don't have this, don't bother applying but there are some desirable skills as well, which means you don't need to have this now but we can train you when you get on board. I was really hung up on marrying a really 'spiritual' brother without really defining spiritual. Well, I dated someone who 'acted' spiritual but didn't 'live' spiritual. It's so funny that my Holy Ghost talking brother couldn't keep his hands to himself but Mr O can and does. Thank God for mentors! God opened my eyes, the man may not tick all the boxes, he may earn less than you do and might be two inches shorter than your ideal but if he ticks the desirable, I say give love a chance. People usually say God's time is the best, I read a blog where the author was talking about God's time and it's time, sometime while we are waiting for what we think is God's time, the time for a particular thing begins to wane. I consider myself an older single so I definitely do not mean any disrespect. God has a plan for us as individuals and I truly believe for some this includes what seems like delay in getting married especially when there are some lessons we need to learn as singles, however there comes a time in a woman's life when knocks on the door are not as frequent as when we were younger. For some, being of the same ethnic tribe is an ESSENTIAL, while I do understand, I do not agree. I have seen too many people write people off because of that one fact and cry to God asking for a mate what about if He has sent them already and you said no because they came in a package we did not expect!

• Not putting myself out there

Wow, this is getting interesting. By this I mean I wasn't going anywhere. We have to meet our prospective someone somewhere even if we are not going there with the intention of meeting a husband/wife. When I read wedding websites, I always go to the How we met story, whether it's an introduction by mutual friends or the matchmaker by fire crew, or at a party, in the choir, single's fellowship, book club, sat next to me on the plane and was so interesting to talk to, there is always that first meeting that blossoms into something else but what if I don't go there. I usually keep myself to myself and it's a good thing for I'm an introvert by nature but I'm learning to network. In this season of my life, I want to go out, talk to people, learn from people. This is not about adding random strangers as friends on facebook and going clubbing by fire every Friday night. It is not so much about going everywhere to looking for a significant other but opening ourselves to new opportunities. I've made up my mind to be more interesting, please do the same. In a book I read the author advised that single people should go on a date with the next person that asked (not random strangers o for safety's sake) even though on the surface they didn't tick all the boxes, it's about making friends. But we need to position ourselves.

• God's plan

I don't see being single as a disease for in a way we are all single whether we tick the married box or not. If someone slaps my face, I feel the pain and not my boo. However, I strongly believe that there was a season in my life where I was not supposed to be in a relationship. After the fiasco with my friend, I put my heart on ice for a while, no one could touch it hence no one could hurt it. In this season, I promised God I would focus on him and not a man. I believe God taught me how to stand on my own that I was complete without a man, we are to complement and not complete. I'm not saying I totally got the message but I believe some seasons of singleness are ordained. Just like Esther, we are in preparation for the next phase of our lives. Sometimes, I think that God looked at mankind and asked how can I stretch these people, for them to be mature and selfless and then he invented marriage! Lol! So if that's the season you're in enjoy but keep learning. The learning don't all have to be spiritual, cooking is an essential. This has nothing to do with the 21st century or education, I tell ladies, I cook for myself because I like to eat good food, when I get married, my 'flatmate' will enjoy the benefits. See it as something you do for yourself, what about the kids what will they eat? I'm not that great in the kitchen but I try my best. Balancing accounts, multitasking the things we women do well.

• Not knowing then what I know now

I'm beginning to realise that a lot of things people take for granted are not necessarily important. Some might not agree with me but these days I feel what is required are 1 committed man, 1 committed woman, source of income, roof over your heads. Sometimes we delay because we want a big wedding. Weddings are no easy feat, traditional and church. Men, it's not easy. We don't have to live in our dream home yet, we don't have to be living the dream yet, we just have to be ready to put each other first. I've seen so many couples start with nothing, well apart from love and grow leaps and bounds, growth they attribute to the support of their partner. This is my view, sometimes I feel like I just want us to get married. I've never been a big fan of big weddings or weddings even. Oh well, that's me, I'm sure family and friends have their own ideas, even Mr O but I sometimes wonder if some of this debt we get ourselves in is really worth it for those few hours! Also, he doesn't have to work in Goldman Sachs, if that's his dream, part of my job is making sure he achieves his potential.

Well, well, there might be more but for now, I'll leave it here, feel free to add your thoughts as comments, I want to go blog hopping for now.

Till later,

XoXo

It's getting hot in here!!

What are your thoughts on sexuality?

I don't know how many times I've started this post and scrapped it, dunno why that is! Most of the blogs on my blog list have at least one post dedicated to the subject. Recommended reading, if I might add. But this is my blog and I promised to be truthful, candid and open. So what are my thoughts on the issue of sex and sexuality...First of all, I must confess I had to look up the word sexuality in the dictionary because I was not really sure what it meant, lol!We haven't discussed sex in our pre-marital counselling classes yet and if truth be told I and Mr O haven't discussed it much either.

I believe sex is for marriage, I've heard so many arguments back and forth about pre-marital sex, virginity and purity. I'm a twenty seven year old female who has never had sex before, I don't believe this makes me a saint but it is a choice I made because it is in congruence to my values. For me, the emphasis has been on purity and not virginity. I read a book titled 'Kissed the girls and made them cry' by Lisa Bevere when I was about 18 and her argument was so compelling that I made a decision to keep myself pure. When I hear people ask the question how far is too far, I say I don't know because really I don't, I don't focus so much on what we can't do but I ask myself the question, What would Jesus do if he was in the room with both of us because the truth is that God is with me all the time, I just act accordingly.

I will admit that I am mainly prudish, as in when sex is mentioned I might start blushing or giggle like a silly school girl! However, as I have been preparing myself and getting myself educated I've lost quite a few of my inhibitions. Although we never really discussed boundaries, I believe I and Mr O are on the same page, we haven't had any issues or arguments about the physical area of our relationship and both agree no sex before marriage. I recently realised that we are both shy people and we could be so naive when dealing with the opposite sex, I'm not sure either of us would recognise a come on except it was pasted in neon signs! It's not an easy decision to keep yourself pure, after all we are human beings and physical attraction is a big part of any relationship. It takes God's help and learning to say no to something you would really like to say yes to.

I believe sex is an act to be enjoyed in marriage, between a husband and a wife (sorry no trios or swinging!). These days I hear a lot of men and women comment that they would like their prospective husband and wife to be experienced in the bedroom before marriage but I beg to differ. I have no one to compare Mr O to and even if I did, I'm not sure it would be fair. I look forward to having sex but I don't put myself under any undue pressure. I feel we have a lifetime to learn not so much about sex, technically it's quite easy, but about what he wants and likes, what I want and like. Sex is just like marriage as a whole, not so much about you as it is the other person. It's also about being patient and understanding, love is in growing together and that includes the bedroom too. Honesty is important as well as the willingness not to be over sensitive but with a foundation of trust, I believe everything should be allright, we should prepare ourselves by getting informed, there are good books and thankfully great blogs as well but not being pre-occupied with it.

I know variety is the spice of life and know I have to make room for items from Ms Victoria, La Senza and the like, I'm not so sure of the hard core stuff, whips, chains and the like. Ha! Sex is a good thing but I've kept that bit of my life in God's hands until the day I say I do. Check out the reading list for more information but if you're single whether male or female, please don't feel pressured to do what you don't want to do. I believe a partner that respects you will respect your boundaries as well and whoever that person is exists, so don't worry too much about it.

Till later

XoXo

Just laugh..

Hi everyone

I would like to say a very big thank you to y'all for your lovely comments. I was privileged to have a conversation with one of the readers off-camera. Missy, thank you so much. I've taken ALL you said on board! The truth is I'm fine, he's fine but we have some issues to deal with and as Ms. Whitman says we will come out stronger.

I got this in my mail today and it made me smile, hope it does the same for you.

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A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.

This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except forMethuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.


One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them. After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead. Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

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As a Sunday School teacher, this brought tears to my eyes! Just a reminder that even though sometimes we go through difficult times, we can choose what our response can be. Sometimes throw your hands up in the air and just laugh even if you think you're crazy, laugh because you can! I just did!

On days like this

On days like this

It hurts to have you around

It hurts to have you far away

It hurts to speak to you

It hurts to keep quiet

It hurts to say the truth

It hurts to tell lies

It hurts to hold on

It hurts even more to give up

It hurts to do what is right

It hurts to do wrong

Everything just hurts

Today I have been musing on the storms of life and how they come to reveal things for what they really are. If I say I have a strong foundation, the storm will prove the veracity of my words. As a couple I and Mr O have faced, face and will continue to face different storms but our survival will continually depend on what we build our relationship with. I think good has come from facing crisis, I know what he does when he faces the challenges of life but the question I repeatedly ask myself these days is whether I can sign on to a forever of the man he is today or if I secretly wish that he will change in some areas. I recently made a promise to myself to always be honest at least to myself. I hear a voice tell me that love covers a multitude of sins, I don't want to listen to that voice for I recognise the source, at least not today but I have to don't I. Thank you Lord.

This is just to encourage anyone reading that sometimes relationships hit rough patches, before you get married and I guess after as well. Just as I don't believe in the 'D' word (divorce) i'm always hesitant to use the 'B' word (break-up) but before you do accurately assess what you are signing up for. It's one thing to know that imperfections exist yet another to wake up to those imperfections each morning. I'm at a low point but I think I just need to sit with my Daddy for a while on this one. Should be back soon, just wanted to share there are days like this...