Roles of the husband and wife

Hi,

I've just returned from a counselling session, honestly these sessions have been so good for us. Every time I want to start acting funny, just remembering that I have to see Pastor D just puts me in check! Lol! One thing I've learnt especially this week is that when people say marriage is not for babies, it's just the gospel truth. It's easy to write about relationships, the do's and dont's but it's very difficult to live it out practically.

Pastor D gave us an assignment to write our thoughts on what our roles as husband and wife in marriage are. Trust Ms. Hadassah the writer, I went with my 1.25 pages and my darling went there with 7 sentences! We are different, we are different, we are different!

My main points were that the role of a wife was to;

• Be a submissive follower (see post on submission!)
• Help her husband by partnering with him to move towards the vision God has created them for
• Satisfy her husband's needs, spiritually, emotionally and physically
• Build her home by creating an atmosphere of peace and joy for her family and being a good steward of the resources entrusted in her care

My sweetheart has graciously given me permission to put his points on my blog (even though he doesn't know where it exists on the www) and these are;

• To love and care for my wife unconditionally.
• To provide a comfortable accommodation/shelter for my wife.
• To protect her and ensure her continuous happiness.
• To be a friend, partner and a good listener.
• To satisfy her every need (emotionally, materially and sexually).
• To always remain faithful and honest to my wife.

He then asked both of us to identify what areas would be challenging to us in effectively carrying out these roles; for me I know that submission will be an area of ongoing transformation because if truth be told, it takes a great degree of trust and dying to self to be submitted to anyone even to God. With regard to our roles in marriage, Pastor D told us to remember that husbands and wives while married to each other should see their function as all unto God.

Husbands should love their wives like Christ loves the church, wives should submit to their husbands as unto the Lord..so regardless of who your spouse is or what they do, your responsibility is to stay in your role as unto the Lord. Sometimes, I feel like marriage is one of God's ways of teaching us how to really be like him! Anyway, in this way, we should both be committed to giving 100% irrespective of what the other person brings to the table. Now, that's a tall order but I guess that's why the Word says with God all things are possible.

Pastor explained to us that most people come into marriage with their own pre-conceived notions of what their roles in marriage should be. These could come from family or cultural background or previous experiences. Conflicts arise where there is no balance in the expectations both partners have. So we should go back to what the word of God says and use that as the pattern and model.

For husbands, their role can be summed up in the 4 P's, Provider, Protector, Priest and Prophet.

Provider: Financially, physically,

Protector: Being the authority in home, emotionally and physically, protect your wife from your family members by covering her weaknesses and emphasising her strengths (and vice versa for wives)

Priest: Spiritual head, should set guidance and leadership for praise, worship and prayer. No staying at home while wife and kids go to church

Prophet: Setting the vision for the home, a clear sense of direction and it is important to have a general idea of where a man is going before you agree to marry him just in case you're not interested in his destination.

So what about me..

The role of the wife is to support her husband, to be in sync with the vision of the family, this does not limit your ability as a woman to achieve your goals, remembering the Proverbs 31 woman.

Our next assignment is on the barriers to effective communication and how to overcome them, this we have to work on together...well we'll see!

Till later

Xoxo

Who's in charge? Our roles in marriage

For the past two weeks, Pastor has been discussing on this topic. The issue of roles in marriage. I just discovered that Pastor is using Selwyn Hughe's Marriage as God intended as the supporting text for the classes and I got my copy this week. So far, so great! It's a wonderful book and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone whether you are just considering marriage or already married.

Anyway, back to my ponderings...roles in marriage. This can usually turn to a hot topic because usually it's the man is the head, the woman should submit e.t.c, e.t.c. As always, Pastor referred us back to the Bible which tells us that 'husbands should love their wives...let me get it straight from the apostle's mouth.

Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, Because we are members (parts) of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; Ephesians 5:28-33

Pastor taught us that the role of the husband is that of a LOVING LEADER. Not just a leader or a tyrant or the Big Boss but a loving leader. The Bible commands men to love their wives as they love themselves and as Christ loves the church. Most importantly, as he loves himself. I've come to realise that the men actually have the 'tougher' deal. How did Christ love the church? He loved her enough to shed His blood for her on calvary even when she did not acknowledge the love. This is the type of love shown by Hosea for Gomer. I don't think this type of love can actually come from one's self but from the Lord. Pastor explained how this love can be shown practically.

The husband must express his love through acts of service and acts of kindness. Dates, gifts, words of affirmation, touch, hugs kinda reminds me of the 5 love languages. He should also be willing to sacrifice for her and a sacrifice is not a sacrifice if it isn't worth something to the other person, he must be willing to keep her in high esteem and be patient with her when she makes mistakes. There's a last one I can't remember at the moment! Wow, I guess Mr O has his work cut out. I pray that he be the man that God has created him to be because this is no easy task. I and Mr O have this saying when one of us thanks the other for something that has been done. We say "It's part of my job description" so if it makes you happy, I do it because that my job!

For us the women (wives), Apostle Paul didn't forget us and although this verse has been preached in so many ways with so many responses, I got a new insight when I read Rev Hughes words on this matter. The Scripture says;

Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord...As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands...and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly Ephesians 5:22,24 and 33b

My first feeling was wow, God is this possible but if God has asked it of us, surely He must know that I will be able to do it by His strength of course. I like the way it is written in the Amplified Bible. I should adapt myself to him as a service to the Lord. God has already given us the pattern of how this submission should be. I am defining submission as an attitude in which I acknowledge the fact that my husband is the loving leader in our home. As Jesus was subject to the will of the Father and I am subject to Christ in all that I do, so my will should be subject to that of my husband. There can be no submission without love and trust. Jesus loves me this I know, I trust that whatever He asks of me is always in my best interest, this does not always mean that I willingly go in the direction, He asks of me.

Pastor said that the fact that your husband is the loving leader and you the submissive follower does not mean he just says this is it and that's that. A loving leader asks for the opinion of the one who follows because if you don't need others opinions then why did you get married in the first place. Adam needed Eve and it would be silly for him to discount her say on the matter. Pastor said that we need to get to a place where our husbands had the right on the final say in a matter.

Hmm, I know I'm not there yet but this to me buttresses the importance of the choice I am making in a life partner. It's not that I don't trust Mr O but honestly, I'm not sure I'm in a place where I can wholeheartedly say that I can trust all his decisions but then neither can I trust all my decisions either, there should be room for both of us to make mistakes. So far in our relationship, he usually tries to get my opinion on matters especially those that directly affect us. I'm not a good one with ultimatums, I was remarking this fact to a girlfriend...don't tell me "or else" because I'll come back with "or else what". I know I have some way to go before I get this submission thing but Father give me the grace and strength to walk in the attitude of submission. Help my husband to be to be a loving leader in Jesus name.

The other role of a wife is to respect her husband. Respect him...how? The Amplified Bible shows how. I know I've not perfected this yet but by the grace of God I will make a conscious effort to praise, honour, respect, reverence, admire and love Mr O. On my way home from the class I sent Mr O a text indicating I would try my best to do these and more by the grace of God and his reply made me smile.

"Madam. Thank you for being you. Your smile, voice, understanding and of course I'll respect, honour, celebrate and love you always xxxxxxx". Me thinks I must be doing some things right or what do you reckon?