I've just returned from a counselling session, honestly these sessions have been so good for us. Every time I want to start acting funny, just remembering that I have to see Pastor D just puts me in check! Lol! One thing I've learnt especially this week is that when people say marriage is not for babies, it's just the gospel truth. It's easy to write about relationships, the do's and dont's but it's very difficult to live it out practically.
Pastor D gave us an assignment to write our thoughts on what our roles as husband and wife in marriage are. Trust Ms. Hadassah the writer, I went with my 1.25 pages and my darling went there with 7 sentences! We are different, we are different, we are different!
My main points were that the role of a wife was to;
- Be a submissive follower (see post on submission!)
- Help her husband by partnering with him to move towards the vision God has created them for
- Satisfy her husband's needs, spiritually, emotionally and physically
- Build her home by creating an atmosphere of peace and joy for her family and being a good steward of the resources entrusted in her care
My sweetheart has graciously given me permission to put his points on my blog (even though he doesn't know where it exists on the www) and these are;
- To love and care for my wife unconditionally.
- To provide a comfortable accommodation/shelter for my wife.
- To protect her and ensure her continuous happiness.
- To be a friend, partner and a good listener.
- To satisfy her every need (emotionally, materially and sexually).
- To always remain faithful and honest to my wife.
He then asked both of us to identify what areas would be challenging to us in effectively carrying out these roles; for me I know that submission will be an area of ongoing transformation because if truth be told, it takes a great degree of trust and dying to self to be submitted to anyone even to God. With regard to our roles in marriage, Pastor D told us to remember that husbands and wives while married to each other should see their function as all unto God.
Husbands should love their wives like Christ loves the church, wives should submit to their husbands as unto the Lord..so regardless of who your spouse is or what they do, your responsibility is to stay in your role as unto the Lord. Sometimes, I feel like marriage is one of God's ways of teaching us how to really be like him! Anyway, in this way, we should both be committed to giving 100% irrespective of what the other person brings to the table. Now, that's a tall order but I guess that's why the Word says with God all things are possible.
Pastor explained to us that most people come into marriage with their own pre-conceived notions of what their roles in marriage should be. These could come from family or cultural background or previous experiences. Conflicts arise where there is no balance in the expectations both partners have. So we should go back to what the word of God says and use that as the pattern and model.
For husbands, their role can be summed up in the 4 P's, Provider, Protector, Priest and Prophet.
Provider: Financially, physically,
Protector: Being the authority in home, emotionally and physically, protect your wife from your family members by covering her weaknesses and emphasising her strengths (and vice versa for wives)
Priest: Spiritual head, should set guidance and leadership for praise, worship and prayer. No staying at home while wife and kids go to church
Prophet: Setting the vision for the home, a clear sense of direction and it is important to have a general idea of where a man is going before you agree to marry him just in case you're not interested in his destination.
So what about me..
The role of the wife is to support her husband, to be in sync with the vision of the family, this does not limit your ability as a woman to achieve your goals, remembering the Proverbs 31 woman.
Our next assignment is on the barriers to effective communication and how to overcome them, this we have to work on together...well we'll see!
Till later
Xoxo
