20 questions to ask before you get engaged..

These questions were 'lifted' from T.D Jakes' book, Before you do. It's a great book with advice applicable to all types of relationships not just romantic ones, a lot of times when reading, I had to stop and hmmmmm...sometimes out loud!!Lol! The premise for this book is on tools you need to prepare yourself before you say "I DO" because sometimes people say those two important words not really knowing and understanding what they are committing to. So here they are;

1. What do you expect?
2. What are your most prized possessions?
3. Where do you stand on faith?
4. What was your last major relationship like? How did it end?
5. What are your ideas about sexuality?
6. Do you know your HIV/AIDS status?
7. What are the secrets that you keep? Will you trust me to keep them too?
8. Have you ever been arrested and do you have a criminal record?
9. Do you have children or other children outside marriage?
10.How do you feel about having children?
11. How do you feel about disciplining children?
12. What are the roles of husband and wife for you?
13. What role do you see your parents, siblings and extended family playing in your relationship?
14. How do you handle disagreements and disappointments?
15. What is your vision for this family? Where would you like us to be in ten or twenty years?
16.How satisfied are you with your present career?
17. What is your debt-to-income ratio?
18. Is there any need or desire for a prenuptial agreement?
19. Do you have a will or a living will and can we talk about it?
20.What annoys you the most about me? What do you enjoy the most about being with me?

Wow, that's exhaustive but I'm sure you're not expected to ask all these on one date, also some things I think you don't need to ask, you see it in your partners behaviour. I guess I and Mr O have some new pointers for upcoming discussions. Lol, just thought to share but do get the book!

Don't worry, I'll share our discussions if Mr O permits. So get talking, listening and understanding.

Till later

Xoxo

Questions, questions, questions!

Wow, today was really interesting. So we got there and we introduced ourselves to Pastor D, he asked us how long we had been in the relationship for and what our plans were. He also told us that we would be having about eight to ten sessions with him and would be covering a lot of areas like the role of husband and wife, finance, communication, sex e.t.c and to prepare ourselves for FULL DISCLOSURE so we shouldn't be surprised when some certain things came up. He asked if we had informed our parents about the relationship and we responded in the affirmative. He then gave us a form to fill. It was like four pages long! I was like..wow! Apart from the regular background information, these are a few questions I can remember,

• Blood group and genotype
• Which parent were you closer to?
• How many siblings do you have?
• Are there any medical conditions that could affect your partner?
• Have you ever had an abortion?
• List 15 (yes 15) reasons why you want to marry this person?
• Are you born again?
• What was your experience of salvation?
• What do you understand by marriage?
• Did your parents have a good, average or poor marriage?
• What are your marital goals and how do you hope to achieve them?
• Where did you meet your partner?
• What are your thoughts on joint accounts for finance?
• What are your parents religious background?

If I remember the others, I will update the post. It took us almost an hour, see me thinking as if I was preparing for A' Levels! After skimming through our forms, he made one or two comments about some things we had written like Mr O's parents are separated and he just asked a few questions about that. Just before he left, he asked Mr O, so why Esther? He then posed the same question to me? I just realised now that neither of us used the word love! Interesting! We spent so much time writing answers although I would have really loved to read what his 15 reasons for wanting to marry me were!

Anyway, we've booked about 8 more appointments from July all the way to November, well there's no rush, we're not planning on getting married this year anyway, this year is about preparation and setting a solid foundation. My church is very big and I'm surprised my pastor still takes time to meet all couples intending to get married on a one to one basis. God bless him. So that's it, more updates as they come. It was really interesting!