Monday, 26 October 2009

Look, there's more of us..

Do you have children or other children outside marriage?
How do you feel about having children?
How do you feel about disciplining children?

Hi people,

Firstly, I would like to say a very BIG THANK you to everyone who takes the time to read and leave a comment, your contributions are greatly valued, please keep them coming. So today, I'm tackling 3 questions in 1 as they all pertain to the subject of children.

First question, answer is NO, I don't have children. Hmm, how do I feel about children? I would definitely love to have kids. One of the purposes of marriage is for procreation, I said one, I don't believe it is the main purpose. I believe a marriage can be complete without children as long as that has been agreed before hand by both partners prior to saying I do. As an African girl, I know the importance placed on having children by our parents but the purpose of increasing your family is not to make our parents happy and satisfy in-laws but because husband and wife are ready spiritually, mentally, emotionally and financially. Becoming a parent is almost like preparing for marriage, I think it even requires more preparation because even though you can divorce a spouse (not recommended) you can't divorce your kids, they have your DNA!

I and Mr O have discussed this although not in too much detail, we both would love to have kids, 2, not so particular on sex of the kids but I know he really wants a girl, he already has her name picked out and all! Lol! One day, I asked him what if we had a boy first and he just looked at me as if How can?? God, please answer his prayers o. Personally, I would prefer to have boys but at the end of the day, a child is a miracle sent by God and I accept whoever he sends. I want to be a mother, some days more than others but I know for me definitely I would like to expand our family. Our plan is to have some 'us' time before the kids come, so we can settle in on 'knowing' each other before our lives change forever.

Make no mistake, having a child changes your life forever, I'm not a mother but I've been privileged to see friends and family have children and with their kids and the truth is that it really becomes about them. My friend says to enjoy my life before the kids come because...yes, it's fun and all but every time you see a baby looking and smelling sweet and nice and you coo and hum, say thank you to the sometimes tired mum and dad for doing such a great job. For me, any opportunity to take care of kids, I grab because I know I've picked up quite a number of tips along the way. Parenthood calls for total loss of self and it's all about the babies, I think I'm ready.

When it comes to babies, I always have this bittersweet feeling because a few years ago I was diagnosed with a condition that can sometimes affect fertility but that is the subject for another post and will discuss it later. However, I must note that I think it's important to discuss any health issues you have THAT MAY AFFECT YOUR PARTNER, I'm not saying dredge every single issue from your past but anything that may affect them. You will spend the rest of your life with this person so do share, this was part of our pre-marital counselling questionnaire but we'd discussed it already.

On the issue of discipline, I've been reading some books on parenting and I've come to realise while there are no specific rules on what methods to use, children need to be disciplined. The Bible says we should train a child in the way they should go so when they are old they will not depart from it. That's a big responsibility for indeed how do we instill discipline when we ourselves sometimes need discipline ourselves! However, I believe we should discuss on how discipline and punishment should be carried out. We haven't discusses this yet and I'm intrigued to know what his thoughts are. I believe in corporal punishment as long as it's not too generous that it loses it's effectiveness but this is me talking as a single girl. I haven't pushed, maybe I'll change my mind then! Lol! Anyway we have two wonderful mothers and mentors who can give us advise.

Since we both do not have children, I don't really have a lot of comments on that. I'm not sure I'm cut for the complexities of a blended family, relationship e.t.c. Don't get me wrong, there's no problem with it, it's not just something I envisioned for my life. But not telling your partner that you have kids when you've started talking marriage is a big no no because it's a big issue, those children will be a BIG part of your lives as a family.

I'm really enjoying answering these questions, they make for interesting conversation, not because we end up coming with the same answers but we realise what the other person's thoughts on the issue are and not assume some things. So I'm embracing this season of no diapers and night feeding but looking forward to when she says Mama!

Till later



Myne Whitman said...

These are interesting questions and I like the answers you've given. I'm recently married and most of what you wrote echo our discussions on the topic.

Lady A said...

I agree with your friend, ENJOY LIFE FIRST with hubby maybe a year, then have kids.
Hon, I don't care about your medical postion, if you want kids then all you need is faith in God. Who's report will you believe? The doctor's or God's? He will bless you with children, so don't worry. Anoint and pray over your womb now. You will be fine.
I enjoyed the questions and answers. Glad all is well!

Hadassah said...

@Myne: Thanks for your comment, I'm finding the processing interesting

@LadyA:Thanks sis, I believe the word of the Lord, truth is once in a while, I do doubt but I don't beat myself up worrying about it, thanks that was a faith boost