Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Changes..

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
Anais Nin 

First things first, I must begin by apologising to the readers of this blog for disappearing for so long. The past few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster and although I did come here from time to time. I was just unable to write anything.

When I came across the quote above, it just aptly summarised what happened to me and to us. I promised myself I would always be honest on this blog and I must admit that at a point I just wanted to delete it and start a new story, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on. However, I realise that life is a story that is made of different chapters and that even when the plot takes an unexpected twist, it doesn't mean the end of the story. My best friend always tells me that the story is never over until The Story teller writes 'The End' and I'm inclined to agree and therefore the story continues.

At this point, I and Mr O have decided not to continue with our relationship. I have prayed and I have cried but I have decided to let things be and stop fighting because even though it doesn't make a lot of sense, I believe that it is the way it should go. I think I will try and talk about what happened as I go along. I once heard a message on preventing marital failure and the first point the pastor gave on the biggest mistakes a couple can make is 'thinking it could never happen to us'. That's dangerous. He also said it's about expecting the best for your relationship while preparing for the worst. Another very important point is that although there is no way you can meet someone who thinks exactly like you because we are all unique, it is very important both partners use similar scripts or read from the same page because it helps in decision making and in conflict resolution.

I don't think there is any relationship that cannot be saved but it requires both parties being willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make it happen. Both of us have lessons to learn but I believe there are some things that are best left to God to handle in one's life, we must accept people as they are with their strengths and weaknesses but we must also be honest. I know I overlooked some things I should have probed further and earlier as much in him as in myself. I've been asking myself some deep questions over the past few weeks, I don't claim to always have answers or always be right but I've just decided to trust God and allow Him to lead and guide me.

So I'm not really sure what direction this blog is going to take now. As a dear big sister told me, 'No matter what happens, whether you get back together or not, you have grown, you have learnt, you have loved, you are a better person for it, so don't feel like the time spent was a waste because it isn't.' I don't always agree with her but well as the Spirit leads I guess. I'm fiddling with the template for now but I'm back.

I wrote this a while ago, just expressing my thoughts going through the process. Hopefully, my next post will be a bit upbeat.

Not a day goes by

Not a day goes by
that I do not think of you
Sometimes it's a flash of recognition
A symbol, a scent, a song
Other times a full length movie with
Changing places, changing faces

Not a day goes by
that I do not think of you
Sometimes I smile
Held in your embrace, walking hand in hand
Other times, most times
With tears
Arguments back and forth, cold silences

Not a day goes by
that I do not think of you
Although I lie when friends ask
Laughing as I say time heals all wounds
And that I'm moving on
When what I do everyday
is think of you

Not a day goes by
That I do not think of you
Going back in time
To plans, hopes and dreams shared
Looking ahead to a path I must take
That does not have you in it
Where we has become you and me

Not a day goes by
when I do not think of you
But now I must learn to occupy my thoughts
With truth, purity and good reports
As I focus my thoughts back on Him
Who enables me put all other thoughts in perspective

(c) Ester Hadassah

Till later,

Xoxo

13 comments:

Jaycee said...

Wow. Emotional. Let me say one thing, I completely believe that the story cannot end until the story-teller says it's over. And I declare to you that, "It is well." Yes, Deuteronomy says we must say that phrase to each other..."It is well in your own story." :)

Jaycee said...

Oh, I like the template BTW

Hadassah said...

Wow! I was surprised to see 2 comments! Thanks for the prayer. I truly believe that. Strange as it may seem I am so filled with peace, I have moments when I feel I may crash but they fade quickly. It's about fixing my thoughts above!

Andrea said...

Hey Hadassah, I dont know what to say honestly. This post was very emotional.As long as you are ok, thats all that matters. Yeah is being a long time.

Chichi {From Now Till I Do} said...

Hadassah, so nice to have you back!

That was so honestly written. Hope you're doing okay.

God is with you.

Myne Whitman said...

Oh my dear, this is an e-hug from me to you. This post may have been low spirited but it speaks to a brighter time ahead. I pray you strength through out this period and I know you will come out stronger.

Take care of you OK?

Hadassah said...

Ladies, I saw these comments this morning and I don't know what to say. I feel loved and like I really belong to a family. God bless you. I've been catching up on your blogs though I haven't been leaving comments

I want to say that I am doing ok mostly. Everyday I just find this strength to laugh, to connect, to rejoice. Not all the time but I have this strong belief that everything is working the way it should and that beauty will come from ashes

Just want to say Big hugs all around. I'm glad to be back

Fran said...

"I realise that life is a story that is made of different chapters and that even when the plot takes an unexpected twist, it doesn't mean the end of the story"...

I totally agree with you on that one point. First time visiting your blog and really enjoyed reading it (read it from the start)...

It's hurts to see the turn of events; but like you said, a twist doesn't mean the end of the story. I remember my husband and I called off our relationship whilst we were dating (though yet engaged); when we came back together, we were both the wiser and better...

Whatever God has in store for you is GOOD! He alone knows best and I know your stories to come will be filled with much joy and laughter in Jesus name!

Take care and remain prayerful xxx

histreasure said...

that was so emotional..and I love your spirit, the peace of th eLord shall encompass your soul and the best is what you shall have.

that quote is soooo true.
hugsss!!!

doll said...

wow! am so speechless...tis too shall pass!

DarLyn said...

I really don't know what to say. One thing like you already pointed out though is that in the experience you have grown.That in my opinion is key.
Tough times come but the focus is not those times but what we make of them. I'm glad you know your heritage in God.

You are blessed and highly favoured. He that has started the good work in you will perfect it.

I've missed you around, pls don't go away for too long again.
I like the colourful come back :)

Anonymous said...

This sounds like the story of my life 2 years ago. You'll definitely come through. Continually hang on to the one who knows the end from the beginning and trust me, you'll look back at this period and laugh in the near future.

PS thanks for all the love on my blog

Hadassah said...

Once again I must say I am overwhelmed by the love that has come through your words and encouragement. God bless you all real good. Thanks for everything. I'm so glad to be back