Friday, 21 May 2010

Failing forward

Don't interfere with good people's lives;don't try to get the best of them.
No matter how many times you trip them up,God-loyal people don't stay down long; soon they're up on their feet,while the wicked end up flat on their faces.
Proverbs 24:15-16

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

Beautiful people in Blogville, I am overwhelmed by the love and care you have shown. I keep coming back to read the comments and they make me smile. I don't know what to say except Thank you. Thank you for the encouragement and thanks for the prayers. To think that I almost deleted this blog, well the story continues.

Hmm, failing forward. Over the past few months, I have experienced a wave of emotions. Breaking up is very similar to mourning, there is denial, there is anger, there is guilt, there is depression and sadness, mixed with a lot of tears before coming to a place of acceptance. I really don't know what I would do without having Jesus in my life. My God who is my refuge in the storm, it is true what the word says about Him giving us a peace that passes all understanding. Some days I feel as if I'm watching a movie and what has happened was to someone else and not me.

I would say the most overwhelming feeling I had was one of failure. Yes, I've read books about failing, how everyone fails at something, how failing does not make one a failure and how Thomas Edison didn't give up on the light bulb after x amount of attempts! I guess there's a difference between knowing a fact academically and living it out as truth. But I did feel like a failure, a very big one at that! Here I was writing a blog about preparing myself spiritually, emotionally and mentally for marriage and then we break up!.....I just wanted to stay in bed and never get out and show my face again. Failure has always been one of my greatest fears. I hate to fail, I'm not one of those super competitive types that is determined to win at all costs but I'll admit I'm one of those annoying ones in class who cries when she gets a B grade!

At a point, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, I've always been a private person and I was just going through the process alone instead of reaching out to friends to pray with me and encourage me. I've learnt so much during this period, God opened my eyes to people He had brought along my path and just their presence alone sometimes just gave me that added strength to make it through the day.

I thank God for God. I may have failed at this, I admit I did make some mistakes but I am so encouraged by that Bible verse. It was like God was saying to me 'Why do you focus on when you fell and how many times you fell and how you fell and not on the fact that you are able to stand up, dust your shoulders and keep stepping? You might be injured when you fall, but remember that I am a Balm in Gilead! Focus on standing up after you fall, fail forward.'  I realised then that I'm only a failure if I allow the event to stop me from living my very best life and also if I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
So I chose to fail forward, to take time to God-analyse (not self-analyse anymore) the events and circumstances leading up to the break up and asking God for wisdom and guidance as to what to do next. I chose to fail forward and spend time in communion with God, to talk to Him about things and allow Him do His will in my life. I chose to fail forward to realise that my whole life did not consist of being in this relationship and while it did bring pain, it also brought joy. Also, there were so many other things that God had in store for me so I had to get out of bed, ask God for His joy to be my strength and get to stepping! I chose to fail forward and ask God for the grace to help me deal with the anger, to help me deal with the guilt, not to allow bitterness set in so my heart would be free to love the way He wants me to love.
The choice to fail forward is one I'm making daily now. I'm asking God for directions every step of the way as I fulfill His divine purpose for my life. His Word says that He is able to work all things together for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose, that His plans for me are good to give me a future and a hope. I've always said I believed His word and now is the time to live like I do. My encouragement is that where ever you feel you have experienced failure or disappointment, just give it to Jesus. The enemy only wins when you stop, not when you fall. Stand up, dust your shoulders and get to stepping. He can give you grace to do what you thought was impossible. Fail forward!
Esther Hadassah


jhazmyn said...

"The devil only wins when we stop not when we fall"...You're so right on that one, and I'm real glad that you're moving on, no matter how hard.

I sure pray with you that this passes soon, breaking up sure sucks, but the good thing is, time does heal.

Have a great wkend Hadassah , thanks for stopping over at mine

doll said...

i can relate with the whole feeling of equating a relationship break up with failure...but i like the whole fail forward thing...great!

Myne Whitman said...

'Why do you focus on when you fell and how many times you fell and how you fell and not on the fact that you are able to stand up, dust your shoulders and keep stepping?'

This is a very positive way of looking at it and I pray you will continue to be move forward.

Hadassah said...

@jhazmyn: Thanks so much for your comment. By His grace I am, some days I feel so low but most times I just rest in His arms

@doll:We have to, if not we remain trapped in yesterday

@Myne: Thanks 'Aunt Nkem',I pray to continue to keep moving forward in Jesus name

Andrea said...

Thats my girl.very positive

NewLife said...

Hey there, may the good Lord continue to comfort you. The answer lies in what you already wrote..
"His Word says that He is able to work all things together for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose, that His plans for me are good to give me a future and a hope"
You guys can try talking things over again, unless the problem is unsolvable and it goes against your values and principles. You can combine the talk with seeing a trusted and reasonable counselor perhaps at your church. All the best sweetie, I can't wait till you get to smile about this situation, at that time you get to see Gods plan all along.

Hadassah said...

@Newlife: Wow, your words are very encouraging. Thank you so much.

NewLife said...

you are welcome Esther :D

Chichi {From Now Till I Do} said...

Hey girl, another great post.

I've tried to send you an email, but it keeps bouncing back. Please can you email me at, have something I would like to ask you.