Questions, questions, questions!

Wow, today was really interesting. So we got there and we introduced ourselves to Pastor D, he asked us how long we had been in the relationship for and what our plans were. He also told us that we would be having about eight to ten sessions with him and would be covering a lot of areas like the role of husband and wife, finance, communication, sex e.t.c and to prepare ourselves for FULL DISCLOSURE so we shouldn't be surprised when some certain things came up. He asked if we had informed our parents about the relationship and we responded in the affirmative. He then gave us a form to fill. It was like four pages long! I was like..wow! Apart from the regular background information, these are a few questions I can remember,

• Blood group and genotype
• Which parent were you closer to?
• How many siblings do you have?
• Are there any medical conditions that could affect your partner?
• Have you ever had an abortion?
• List 15 (yes 15) reasons why you want to marry this person?
• Are you born again?
• What was your experience of salvation?
• What do you understand by marriage?
• Did your parents have a good, average or poor marriage?
• What are your marital goals and how do you hope to achieve them?
• Where did you meet your partner?
• What are your thoughts on joint accounts for finance?
• What are your parents religious background?

If I remember the others, I will update the post. It took us almost an hour, see me thinking as if I was preparing for A' Levels! After skimming through our forms, he made one or two comments about some things we had written like Mr O's parents are separated and he just asked a few questions about that. Just before he left, he asked Mr O, so why Esther? He then posed the same question to me? I just realised now that neither of us used the word love! Interesting! We spent so much time writing answers although I would have really loved to read what his 15 reasons for wanting to marry me were!

Anyway, we've booked about 8 more appointments from July all the way to November, well there's no rush, we're not planning on getting married this year anyway, this year is about preparation and setting a solid foundation. My church is very big and I'm surprised my pastor still takes time to meet all couples intending to get married on a one to one basis. God bless him. So that's it, more updates as they come. It was really interesting!

Oh well!! We're still learning

So we didn't really have a great weekend. I'd really missed Mr O, because I'm more of a quality time love language person when we don't make time to see I start feeling somehow. I tried to communicate this to him, maybe not in the best of ways. Sometimes in trying to pass a point across, it comes off as being accusatory and so his response really UPSET me big time. God is good, I have learnt to stop reacting to situations but rather respond to them. I kept quiet where on a good day, I could give you double for your trouble!!Lol!

During the course of the weekend I spoke to my mentor (thank God for mentors!!) and she said something that made me see everything in a very different light!! I got a new perspective on how I filter situations through my paradigm and how a lot of times there's a difference between how I feel or think about something and the truth about that something. There is no space for self-centredness in a love story. It's about you, we and us and not me, me, me. I'll be honest, I still posed a bit (I believe this is a lady's prerogative just don't pose too much sha!!).

So we apologised, the situation didn't change, but we changed and we're both happy. In fact, I am very happy, Mr O just called and he's booked me an appointment for a facial at Clarins! Yay! Totally unexpected and out of the blue. I'm learning to understand his own language, oh yes I am!! So in summary what I've learnt is;

• Always communicate how you feel, sometimes it's better for the words to come out wrong than to say nothing at all
• Having said that, try your best not to come across as accusatory, use I more than you..I feel, I think e.t.c.
• Accept the fact that the other person might do something that makes you angry, even very angry but try to respond and not react, don't make a bad situation worse, if you didn't say anything no-one can point at what you said
• Also accept the fact that sometimes things will not be what you term ideal, remember ideal is a subjective word; your ideal might not be his/her ideal
• Remember that no matter what happens, you love the person and love covers a multitude of sins

Ok, that's my two cents today. Next update should be what happened in Pastor D's office!

XoXo

Pre-marital counselling!

We have our first on-on-one with my Pastor on the 25th. I feel both excited and nervous! Lol! I'll definitely update on how it went.

On days like this

I'd always wanted to keep this space as honest and truthful as possible, some days love just requires a bit more effort than others I guess.

On days like this
I wish
Love wasn't kind
or patient or humble
or held on to things that make me upset

On days like this
I wish
Love was self seeking
easily angered
wanting it's own way

On days like this
I wish
I could switch love off
so it wouldn't hurt
and I wouldn't cry

but

On days like this
I wish
but He speaks
and reminds me that
He is love

Rejoicing in truth
Protective, trustful
and persevering
In other words
Perfect

which makes me realise

On days like this
I wish that you
were perfect
and you're not but then neither I am
but He is and He can help us
work at it

(c) Esther Hadassah 2009

Inspired by a television show, a telephone conversation and Favoured Girl's Mr and Mrs Imperfect.