Saturday, 12 September 2009

Theory vs. practical


Thanks for reading today, I hope and pray you are blessed. I'm becoming more aware each day of how much work relationships and marriage need. Yes, it's fun and it's wonderful to have someone to love and who loves you in return but on some days......hmm.

Writing about relationship do's and don'ts, even giving advice is so easy but when it comes to the crunch of living it out, it AINT easy at all. I'm honest enough to admit that I do lose the plot every so often but I thank God for His grace and also for a man who while not being perfect embodies the word COMMITMENT. The counselling classes are bringing up issues to the surface and I guess I've allowed it to faze me a bit but I'm now really learning what it means to walk the talk. Theory vs. practical, I'm learning so I must be doing. According to Maya Angelou (PhD) when you know better, you should do better.

So there we were seated in Pastor D's office talking about barriers to effective communication. Before we got in, I was a bit miffed because he didn't actually do the assignment, we were supposed to work on it together and I felt that he didn't put any effort in because he knew I was going to do it. Mr O then asked an interesting question about our pastor's thoughts on separate bedrooms for husband and wife...I was like hmmm, and then he rushed to clarify that it wasn't about sleeping arrangements but just for; hope I'm repeating this verbatim.."her luggage" and then he mentioned something to do with liking having his things being kept in order.

I don't know if it was not just a great day or the way he said it, or the way I heard it but I was really UPSET! Ha ha ha, the devil is a mean 'ole son of a gun! What I heard was, "Pastor, is it ok for her to have a separate bedroom for her things because she is messy"! Please don't get me wrong, it wasn't what he said that got me a lil' riled but the fact that he had NEVER brought this up with me before. It made me wonder whether there were some other things that I did that he didn't like and why he felt he couldn't bring them up. Pastor D said it wasn't an issue but partners should learn how to be accommodating of their spouses. Personally, I think Mr O has a bit of an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) when it comes to living arrangements, I'm sure I've mentioned that before while for me cleanliness and not necessarily having all boxes on a straight line is more important.

I plead guilty I disobeyed most of the rules in the previous post, I made assumptions about what he was saying, I went into my silent monosyllable mode, I thought, thought, thought, instead of talk, talk, talk. I let the sun go down and I was angry. I refused to admit to myself that I was angry. However, I came back and read everything I'd written down and began to practicalise them. We discussed it, my issue was not about separate rooms but an inability to raise 'tough' issues, we haven't still totally dealt with that but it's ok. He was also upset about a recent decision I had made and I tried to explain the WHY behind it, I don't think we came to an agreement about it but it's still ok.

I learnt that anyone can fight but it takes maturity to fight FAIR. Also, always be sure that not only do you listen to what your partner is saying make sure you UNDERSTAND what they're saying, ask questions. The closer you are to marriage, the less there should be 'no-go' areas and remember to PRAY. Talk to God, I've realised the more I talk to HIM about him, the more HE talks to me about ME! When people don't understand, God does and He will make a way. Also after a recent conversation with a friend, be careful when 'interfering' in the relationships of others, remember 'Chinese whispers', by the time one partner comes to you some of the information could have changed. Communication is speaking, listening and UNDERSTANDING and remember it's one thing to know the right thing to do and actually going out and doing it.

I've been challenged by Favoured Girl's post on respect and I'm still musing on that. I'm praying and asking God to help us work on the cracks that are present in our communication, it's not so much about talking more but creating an environment where such communication can take place. I'm currently reading 'Before you do' by T.D Jakes and my next post will be on some questions you should pose to your intended before you even get engaged.

Till later, keep learning, loving and living




Whoa, I couldnt agree more with this
" Talk to God, I've realised the more I talk to HIM about him, the more HE talks to me about ME! When people don't understand, God does and He will make a way. ".
Girl, God is powerful. I am closer to him now than before. I always bring my problem to God. I am wondering how many blog do you have because I see the name the name "esther hadassah" on another blog.

Hadassah said...

@September: Thanks for your comment, I'm learning more about myself in this relationship than I thought possible, I also realised there is another esther hadassah but we are not the same person. All the best, my prayers are with you in this season