Sunday, 22 November 2009

I like you but not always what you do

Hi everyone

Happy New Year, welcome to 2010! I pray this will be a year of better things in the mighty name of Jesus. Wow, that was a long break! Never really thought that I would be gone for so long. So I'll continue with the twenty questions.

What annoys you the most about me? What do you enjoy the most about being with me?

Over the past few months, I'm slowly beginning to live out the knowledge about relationships I have been gathering over the years. Every book I have read, every conversation I have had always alludes to the same point, that no one is perfect, not me and not Mr O. I say it all the time but struggle to deal with the reality of what that means sometimes. I have really been working on deepening my relationship with the Lord, He is perfect because God always understands! Marriage is made up of an imperfect man and an imperfect woman who are committed to loving perfectly and bound by God's perfect love which makes them a three fold cord that is not easily broken.

One of the things I have learnt about my wonderful Mr O is that he is hesitant to talk about things he doesn't like about me, maybe I'm really that! Over time, I'm beginning to learn more about non-verbal communication, that someone doesn't say something doesn't mean they haven't said anything. Hmm, Esther, what do you mean? Remember when you were out and playing the fool, Mama never had to say nothing, just a slight incline to the eye brow meant something, she could even be smiling but you knew that if the eyebrows went above a certain threshold, your behind was gonna be a bit sore before you went to bed!

If he likes something, he says it, so when he keeps quiet I can pretty much guess he doesn't like it. On one hand, I believe that strong relationships, no matter what type should be able to handle the TRUTH. There should be the freedom to say things your partner doesn't necessarily want to hear without any fear of repercussions for such expression. I'm learning to be careful about how I respond to criticism because I don't want him to feel that he can't say something because I'm going to blow off. I might get upset but maturity involves dealing with criticism by seeing it for what it is, learning from it or putting it aside and most importantly moving on.

The things I love about Mr O, I'm sure I must have mentioned in a previous post but well you can never say good things too much and I can always come back here to read it on those days when I get.....oh well!

Mr O is patient with me, he lets me hog the remote (as long as Prison Break is not on, lol!), He's not the type that sits in the living room while the Mrs slaves away in the kitchen and does all the household chores as well. One day I sent a message to Mr O's mum thanking her for the work she did in raising such a well mannered man because I know I am reaping a lot of benefits of her hard work. I enjoy being with him because when he is around I relax, I tend to worry a lot and just hearing him say It's ok or just something makes me put my mind at rest. Especially when I'm travelling, I tend to panic a bit, always checking to see I've got my ticket, passport and Mastercard! Lol! He always tries to make sure we go to the airport together and he stays until I go past security. Hmm, all this just makes me feel like giving him a big hug.

Mr O can make me laugh, we gossip a lot and there's this funny way his eyes go when we see some wierd stuff happening around us and we can't really make any comments about it there and then. I love the way he relates with my family, if you come to my home you'll think he's my mum's son which he is but you can't really tell who is the child or prospective in-law, this has always been important to me because marriage is about becoming one with your partner but realising as an independent unit you are also part of a bigger picture!

I love the way he encourages me when I am down, the way he remembers me in little things and tolerates my obsession with the colour brown. I enjoy being with him because he brings things to the table I have no idea about, I call him Mr Posh because he knows all these facts and all such things, how to sit, all etiquette do's and don'ts! Sometimes I just look at him and say wow!! I love the fact that he gives me the space to be who I am, to be an individual, yes we are a couple but sometimes we just need space to connect with God or with ourselves. Mr O is a generous person, he gives and not just to me. He's one of those people who find it hard to say no to people which I'm not entirely sure is a good thing because sometimes I think people do take advantage of the fact.

So well, what do I find annoying? Strange enough, like most women say. It's the little things, the little foxes that spoil the vine. It's those messages that don't get responded to, the feeling of being 'kept outside' of his life when he's facing challenges and bigger issues like budgeting or lack thereof, not taking the time to understand what I'm saying when it's something he doesn't really want to hear. In recent times I have made a decision to discuss and resolve issues as they arise. I was chatting with a friend recently and she said she attributes the success of her marriage to the ability of both her and her husband to say what needs to be said in love even when the other person is not going to be happy to hear it. That's a guideline I'll be willing to follow not only with Mr O but with my friends as well. A friend loves at all times the Bible says and sometimes that love involves telling the painful truth! Ok and if I'm honest a compliment on how I look when we're going out would be nice.

I'm sure there might be little annoying things I'll discover when we actually live together, maybe his low clutter threshold may make me roll my eyes every once in a while but better OCD than slob. I can't stand it when people just throw clothes all over the floor en route to the shower! However I trust that what holds us both together will always be more than whatever would try to separate us. I guess on average there are more things to enjoy than annoy. I love my boo.

I thought I would actually have more annoying things to write but I guess we've really got to a place of acceptance, we still have misunderstandings but not as often and rarely over the same issue twice. I believe we are growing and I pray this New year will be our very best year yet. I pray the same for you as well.

Till later, keep on living, loving and laughing..



Myne Whitman said...

Congrats Hadassah, I was happy to read this and I wish you and Mr. O the best this year. I also believe in counting my blessings more than the annoyances. Luckily I'm not and have also learnt not to dwell on things. I believe is speaking out and sorting issues with my SO whenever they come up and it has working for us too.

Hadassah said...

@Myne: Thanks so much. Good to know, I think it's better to speak, anger turns to resentment when allowed to fester

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.