Wednesday, 11 November 2009

It's getting hot in here!!

What are your thoughts on sexuality?

I don't know how many times I've started this post and scrapped it, dunno why that is! Most of the blogs on my blog list have at least one post dedicated to the subject. Recommended reading, if I might add. But this is my blog and I promised to be truthful, candid and open. So what are my thoughts on the issue of sex and sexuality...First of all, I must confess I had to look up the word sexuality in the dictionary because I was not really sure what it meant, lol!We haven't discussed sex in our pre-marital counselling classes yet and if truth be told I and Mr O haven't discussed it much either.

I believe sex is for marriage, I've heard so many arguments back and forth about pre-marital sex, virginity and purity. I'm a twenty seven year old female who has never had sex before, I don't believe this makes me a saint but it is a choice I made because it is in congruence to my values. For me, the emphasis has been on purity and not virginity. I read a book titled 'Kissed the girls and made them cry' by Lisa Bevere when I was about 18 and her argument was so compelling that I made a decision to keep myself pure. When I hear people ask the question how far is too far, I say I don't know because really I don't, I don't focus so much on what we can't do but I ask myself the question, What would Jesus do if he was in the room with both of us because the truth is that God is with me all the time, I just act accordingly.

I will admit that I am mainly prudish, as in when sex is mentioned I might start blushing or giggle like a silly school girl! However, as I have been preparing myself and getting myself educated I've lost quite a few of my inhibitions. Although we never really discussed boundaries, I believe I and Mr O are on the same page, we haven't had any issues or arguments about the physical area of our relationship and both agree no sex before marriage. I recently realised that we are both shy people and we could be so naive when dealing with the opposite sex, I'm not sure either of us would recognise a come on except it was pasted in neon signs! It's not an easy decision to keep yourself pure, after all we are human beings and physical attraction is a big part of any relationship. It takes God's help and learning to say no to something you would really like to say yes to.

I believe sex is an act to be enjoyed in marriage, between a husband and a wife (sorry no trios or swinging!). These days I hear a lot of men and women comment that they would like their prospective husband and wife to be experienced in the bedroom before marriage but I beg to differ. I have no one to compare Mr O to and even if I did, I'm not sure it would be fair. I look forward to having sex but I don't put myself under any undue pressure. I feel we have a lifetime to learn not so much about sex, technically it's quite easy, but about what he wants and likes, what I want and like. Sex is just like marriage as a whole, not so much about you as it is the other person. It's also about being patient and understanding, love is in growing together and that includes the bedroom too. Honesty is important as well as the willingness not to be over sensitive but with a foundation of trust, I believe everything should be allright, we should prepare ourselves by getting informed, there are good books and thankfully great blogs as well but not being pre-occupied with it.

I know variety is the spice of life and know I have to make room for items from Ms Victoria, La Senza and the like, I'm not so sure of the hard core stuff, whips, chains and the like. Ha! Sex is a good thing but I've kept that bit of my life in God's hands until the day I say I do. Check out the reading list for more information but if you're single whether male or female, please don't feel pressured to do what you don't want to do. I believe a partner that respects you will respect your boundaries as well and whoever that person is exists, so don't worry too much about it.

Till later



The- Damsel said...

I have the same views and its hard when a boy or girlfriend doesnt have the same views, because the relationship will eventually fall apart. Staying a virgin till marriage clearly has lots of benefits though! No stds,no pregnancy,no worries.

lamikayty said...

Hi dear....
I was a twenty-seven and a half year old Virgin when I got married to my hubby. He was as well and I can tell you it was/is well worth the wait!

I agree with everything you've stated in your post and I do hope many more will come to see and agree with it.

It pays to wait!

Hadassah said...

@The-Damsel: True talk, I think we lose more as women when we give in to something we don't want to hold on to a relationship. At the very least, we see how the Mr copes when he can't get what he wants! Thanks for stopping by my blog

@lamikayty: Thanks for your comment although it's more like a testimony. It's not something I discuss a lot but people always ask me how come? I say glory be to God and try and keep yourself from all 'appearance of evil'. Thank you so much

Good Naija Girl said...

I wrote about saving sex for marriage on my blog recently, and I think this would be an excellent entry to link to. In my entry I wondered aloud about what the chances of me, nearly 30.5, finding a guy who also planned to save sex for marriage and although I don't know the answer, I think God will ensure that the right person for me will come into my life.

It's so important for both parties to be on the same page. Like you said it doesn't mean that resisting will be easy, but at least you're both on the same side of the coin on the matter.

Favoured Girl said...